Prelude to Indigo Smokes
My journey with anxiety alongside depression has been a long, emotional rollercoaster ride,to say the least. And even aside from that, as a person, I'm also just naturally sensitive; this applies both emotionally and physically. How depression and anxiety show themselves, of course, vary from person to person. Speaking purely from my personal experiences, they both have physical and emotional affects on me, ranging from panic attacks, migraines, loss of appetite to feelings of hopelessness, helplessness or emotional numbness. Due to the previously stated sensitivities, my body is also significantly reactive to medications and cosmetic products as well.
At several points in my life, all of the above was very frustrating and discouraging to me. Coming from a family that has never fully acknowledged emotional or mental imbalances as something worthy of further investigation, in conjunction with family drama and consistently being emotionally/mentally undermined by some of those closest to me; I felt that something was wrong with me and that I needed to be "fixed". Even more than wanting to "fix" myself, I desperately wanted to hide what I thought were my "flaws". I wanted to hide everything that ever made me "too much" for everyone else.